1. Choose what you want, before hanging around

Even if it’s complicated when you are just leaving a (long or not) relationship, you should have insights on what you want for your next relationship before starting the “hunt”. If you are emotionnally downhearted and you can’t see what you are really looking for, you probably have strong insights on what you don’t want anymore. It should be enough for a start.

  • Long-term based or one-night plan ?
  • Want to live as fast as possible with him ? Take time and see eachother on a weekly basis for months ?
  • Don’t want an open relationship anymore ? Or do you want to live it no-string-attached ?
  • Do you want to date “already engaged but prospecting” or “you know, it’s complicated” men ?

It should help you for a first filter, on the online application you have choosen (smartphone applications counts). It also gives you precious criterias to describe yourself in your profile, and a list of questions to ask before your first met.

2. Choose carefuly your hunting ground, and don’t disperse yourself

You should not register on every online dating site on the fucking web. These applications often have theirs own wildlife and “type of men”, don’t register on Grindr if you don’t want to see dickheads, don’t install Growlr if you don’t like Bears.

To maximize your chances, of course you can register on more than one application, but in my opinion three is the very maximum.

Also, play with the software, like Amy did. Ask yourself what your perfect partner is looking for, and try to stick to it.

3. Public pictures should show your face

Seriously. I don’t give a shit of your dick, I have seen plenty of those, I want to speak with a human being, not with your dick, your feets, or your abs.

You want to show your abs ? Okay, but show me your face AND your abs, you will be even cuter.

You don’t like your face ? Ask someone for a picture of you. Many of your friends should have some, you could even choose a photo of you from their Facebook albums, with their permission (and PLEASE cut off the other guys, I hate when I don’t know to wich one of the two faces I am talking).

4. Be chatty, but not trashy (or too kinky)

Like “don’t show me your dick”, I hate  when people ask me “act/pass ?” after the first headlines. If I wanted a plan, I would have written it clearly in my profile. Don’t be so hungry. Well … At least not that fast.

Talk about you passions, your interests in life, and your cravings. Make a compliment if you mean it.

5. Real people are the most-interesting people

Like CV and job interviews, a good CV is useless if you never conclude with an interview.

To be crude : you are going to sleep with real people, not with the HDMI port of your computer. If your chatty partners wants to meet you, don’t hesitate too much. By refusing a cool drink on a public place, you may send him a “nope, not interested” signal, while pretending to be shy “because it’s cute”.

6. Privacy matters. Seriously.

Okay, you should give a little about you to engage the conversation. But don’t throw away your living place, your daughter’s name and school, your work place, colleagues names, and your favorite sex position on the first lines. You have time to meet and know each other. Meeting and talking directly to people gives the advantage of not leaving log files.

By the way, don’t send nude pictures of you where we can see your face. It will be a shame if you find yourself on your favorite “amateur guy spotted” tumblr. Unless you wanted to.

(It may not be true if you are looking for a plan, but I assume that in that case you are particularly aware of the risks).

As a safety tip : told to someone you trust where you are going and why. Also enable your mobile tracking system.

7. Make and use a scoreboard

As Amy says in the presentation, score your date, before and after your first met. You may not have strict criteria for your first met, but don’t waste time with people your definitely don’t want to have in your bed. Also, don’t be rude, and reply with a polite “no, thank you” to your insisting lovesick partner, if he is not the right match. You will be thankful if it happens to you.

Personnally, I met everybody that wanted to meet me, even if I was not very enthousiast at the first glance. I often have been nicely suprised, and the best looking one were often the worst dickheads I ever met.

Here are some hints :

  • Is he smoking ? Does that bother you ?
  • Does he wants an open relationship ?
  • Is he cute ?
  • Age difference : does it matters for you ?
  • How comfortable you feel after your date ?

8. Newly registered members are the most chased. You will be one of them … for a time.

Newly registered user may have a dedicated category on the dating sites. This is where the “old-timers” members will catch you as soon as you arrive. Take advantage of this situation, but keep you mind opened, these guys are often there because they have already met or slept with all the others. Apply your scoreboard, but don’t miss a chance.

Also, take some time to polish your presentation, because once the “fresh-face” effect is over, the real business is harder to deal with.

9. First date is important, but not that crucial

You don’t have to pretend on your first date, just be yourself. Don’t overtake this advice and let the dickhead inside you making the date, but you have to know that every bit of you (hopefully the interesting ones ;) ) will have to be shown later or not, so gain time, and don’t hide who you are.

It’s particularly true if you are seropositive, with or without a zero-detection level. It will prevent you from falling in love with someone that will throw you away once he knows. Just tell the truth. Truth is important in every relationship.

Also, Choose a public and open place for your first date, flee gay clubs and saunas (you may meet your ex), and have a drink at a real-world nifty bar. And if you are looking for a long-term relationship, DON’T fuck him after the first date.

10. Never EVER think it’s your own fault and that you should give away

A guy stops answering after the first date ? You have been rejected after several tries to engage a conversation ? (did you slept the first day ?)

It’s not your fault. Your picture may not be adequate, your presentation may not be attractive, this application may not be for you. Try again, change, see what works. Like your daily workout, practicing makes it better.

Remember that it has the highest chances to not work properly the first time, and that every boy you meet during your online chat gives insights on what you should filter out for your future dates.


Oh, and most importantly : have fun.